Love and Logic Parenting

Let’s talk about gentle parenting. I know with the holidays coming up and kids are out of school for longer than usual, things can be stressful. And if I’m being honest, parents/grandparents, we all have a snapping point.

Many people talk about mom guilt and how hard it is to do stuff for yourself without feeling guilty but people rarely talk about the guilt that comes after discipline. The point after you’ve hit your limit and snap at your child. This can be yelling, spanking in frustration, or reacting out of your normal parenting character. Once our frustrations calm down we then begin to feel guilty and we, the parents, are apologizing for disciplining our children.

There is an easier way, it’s called gentle parenting. I know some of y’all are like whatever, my kids won’t listen if I’m “gentle” but hear me out. Imagine disciplining your children and never having to yell again. Imagine getting through the holidays without wishing you were a better parent. Wondering if you did all you could do and pray you’ll do better tomorrow when you lay your head down at night. I’ve been there, I’ve cried about it. It is a vicious cycle that makes you question your entire parenting existence.

I took a Love and Logic course when Will was young and though I am not perfect, when I practice L&L it works. These are the 2 major rules to remember:

1. Adults set firm limits without anger, threats, lectures, or repeated warnings. 
2. When a child misbehaves, hand the problem back to them. You do this by acknowledging their behavior, children are humans and they act out, show them grace and love, ask if they would like help/solution and lay out the consequences for each decision. 

Consequences allow the child to think and realize they have the choice to act in a good way or a bad way. 

If all you do is “punish” your child may begin to react based on emotions and be more sneaky next time. 

Delaying consequences allows parents to think about a consequence best fit for the child’s behavior. It allows you time to think, calm down, and maybe get someone else’s perspective. A good statement to use is “oh no. That’s so sad. I’ll have to do something about this but not right now. I need to think about it.” Make your consequence plan and follow through with it. 

Children that have parents make all their decisions for them rarely learn how to make decisions for themselves that are best for them. They have a difficult time seeing how a decision will affect them in the future. 

Parents have a choice in how we react. Do we yell, rant on about their behavior, or can we take a minute to calm down and think about the consequences?

The best advice I give to parents is pick your battles. Not every situation has to be about Love and Logic. Never argue with your kids. Use one liners like “nice try” or “I love you too much to argue.”

Trust me, after I began practicing this gentle parenting, I began to see a difference in my child’s behavior. I used to react by yelling because let’s be honest, most people feel our children should be scared of us, that’s not true. Our children should feel safe with us, they should be able to come to us with questions about their decisions. Never afraid of how we should react.  

If you would like to learn more you can find information at this link https://www.uen.org/cte/facs_cabinet/downloads/ConferenceProceedings/2016/summer/FACSGeneral_Peterson_LoveAndLogic.pdf